she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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