imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
