So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
