No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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