Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
