before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the day after is always just damage control
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
