Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
