Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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