I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
