so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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