Whod you bang
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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