lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
