WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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