Ambien. No doubt about it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
