We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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