Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
