my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A+ Viking dick
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