I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
