I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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