Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
