oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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