My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
