Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just cut my nipple shaving
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
