Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
