this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You had me at "let me see your balls"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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