i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
