I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Randomize
