just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
