I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
