I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
