if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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