yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
