Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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