I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
