how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the raccoons are back...
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