wanna go halves on a baby?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
