We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
