It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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