awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
