Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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