What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
