sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
