The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love you. Go after that dick
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
