my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
