i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
