Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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