Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
