he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
