omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
