you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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