i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
