with your own penis?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
