I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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