I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
