i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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