Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
