I wanna bring you to show and tell
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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