I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
