it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
