When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize