We're facebook friends in real life
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
FUCK WHALES
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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