His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
