Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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