is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
