90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
