R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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