sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
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